Gabriel-San's Newlywed Game!
by Gabriel-San
Summary: A cast of quirky characters answer questions, dish the dirt, and generally be themselves for a fabulous grand prize!


Hi there! Good ol' me again! Thought you could get rid of me, huh? Not gonna happen ^_^ I'm here to stay for as long as I can avoid the slings, arrows, and shotgun shells of outraged Conservatives. This time, I thought I'd bring you a little humor not connected with any particular series. It's also a bit of a tribute fic, to the author of "Kero-chan's newlywed game", the funniest thing I've read in a long time. So, this one's for you, Yukito no Miko, you talented writer you. Yes, this is a Game show fic, and yes, it is the Newlywed game. A few odd/unpopular couples here. Since this is me, you just KNOW it's got cutesy Shoujo-ai, but this particular fic also has something a little more... odd. Let's just say that a Pokemon is involved and leave it at that.

Crazed Conservative Guy: Devil!

Gabriel: Dammit, how do you keep getting in here? If you don't like any of that then just go away, it's as simple as that.

Crazed Conservative Guy: You will be burned at the stake!

Gabriel: Oy, another Grand Inquisitor... [Shouting into a walky-talky] SECURITY!

Crazed Conservative Guy: I... ACK! [He doesn't get much further as Patamon knocks him senseless with a boom bubble. Then Patamon and a... female Veemon drag the guy away]

Gabriel: [Rubbing his head] Forget about the storage closet. They're stacked like cordwood in there. Just toss him in the furnace. And step up the heat a little, might as well get some use outta these guys; they come here in swarms. Don't worry, I'll get to something nice about the two of you. I promised Micah after all, and you do not deny the pig anything.

Digimon and all related characters copyright Bandai, Toei, Saban and a few others. Card Captor Sakura and all related characters copyright CLAMP, Kodansha, and a few others. Pokemon copyright... I'm not quite sure, but it's a lot of companies that I do not own. Numerous other characters, companies, locations, and products are mentioned. I mean no infringement in any way, have no intention of making money on this, and am only using the names for entertainment. Please don't sue me. It would take far too long and get you little more than a few dollars and some collectables. Gabriel is copyright to me, and Micah is copyright to hir delighty-ful piggy self ^o^

Gabriel-san's Newlywed Game!

By: Gabriel

[The scene opens in an outdoor lot with tiered benches set up for a studio audience, with plenty of cameras scattered about to capture the various things that are likely to go on. A podium is on the left side of the set-up, with a big fake wall behind it. Eight comfy chairs have been set up in pairs; each pair closed in on three sides by a trellis that reaches about to the top of the arms of the chairs. On each chair are a black marker and a dry erase board, for the answers. Behind all of them stretched a large fake wall, this one proudly proclaiming "The Newlywed Game!" in big cursive letters. Both fake walls are a soft shade of rose pink, with some deep red bars running across the walls for good measure. Off to the side, just out of normal camera view, but able to be shown if needed, is the judge's table. Behind it sit judges who are appropriate given the contestants. The first is Sonomi Daidouji, looking stubborn and determined. The second is Fujitaka Kinomoto, who looks both happy and embarrassed at the same time. Next is Terriermon, who has to stand on the table because he can't see over the table from a chair, and won't tolerate a highchair. Next in line is Rika's mother, Mikino Nonaka; still mostly oblivious to what her daughter is doing on this show. She constantly tries to pet Terriermon, thinking he is a stuffed toy. The next judge is Ash Ketchum, with Pikachu sitting placidly on his shoulder. For the time being. Beside him is Misty, with Togepi cradled softly in her arms, emitting a tender "priii" every now and again. The next to the last judge is Kero, who floats over the table a little, rather than just sit on it. The final judge is the Flower card, allowed to remain in her incarnation for the duration of the show. She is giggling softly at every little thing, and taking the opportunity to scatter sakura, apple blossoms, and rose petals around whenever she thinks she can get away with it. The audience is comprised of many people familiar to the contestants and judges. Touya Kinomoto and Yukito Tsukisiro snuggle in the very front row, Touya occasionally waving at his father, which makes Fujitaka even more embarrassed. Sakura's classmate Rika Sasaki holds tightly to the arm of her fiance, Yoshiyuki Terada, proudly wearing the engagement ring he gave her and not caring that people are staring. Next to them sits Chiharu Mihara and Yamazaki. Chiharu must continually klonk Yamazaki on the head with her fist because each time he opens his mouth he lets out some fake and outlandish "fact" about someone in the audience, on the judge's panel, or backstage. Scattered about the audience are Sonomi and Tomoyo's bodyguards, all dressed in black with sunglasses. Despite that, they look like they're having a good time. In the middle of one row are Gatomon and Gabumon, leaning against one another with dreamy looks on their faces. Beside them sits a female Veemon, rather like the typical Veemon but wearing lipstick, nail polish, and a few bracelets and anklets. Atop her head is Patamon, comfortably snuggled, occasionally getting stroked by the female Veemon. Sitting in a front row space is a blue-haired... woman? She's rather underdeveloped in the chest area, but is pretty enough to pull off the look she's trying to, with a yellow sundress and just a hint of coral lipstick. Beside her is a magenta-haired woman with a more conservative ensemble, blue jeans and a ripped t-shirt. Something familiar about the two of them. Anyway, elsewhere in the audience are Geodude and Pineco, giving the occasional cheer in their own quaint way. Behind both tiered benches is Onix, looking over the top at the stage. A few of the Clow Cards sit scattered around in the seats. Windy, Wood, Mirror, Sweet, Song, Fight, Power, and Silent all cheer. Ok, Silent isn't cheering, but she looks quite supportive. In the middle of one of the rows is... a Piggy. In a big coat. It's Micah, in all her swine-y glory ^_^ Love the herm piggie ^_^ Anyway, the rest of the seats are filled with random extras hired from the local random extra company]

Announcer: And now it's time for the Newlywed game! [Cheers] With your host, Gabriel-san! [More cheers. Gabriel steps out from behind the fake walls and steps up to the podium, with much waving and blowing of kisses. He's dressed like a typical game show host, but with a better sense of color. Oh yes, and he's a wolf. Yep, upright walking wolf. Well, he's built like a human, but he's furry and has a muzzle and all. Oh just look for a furry website and find a picture of a wolf fur]

Gabriel: Welcome, everyone, to this very special edition of the Newlywed Game! On today's show, some rather... unusual couples. But I assure you, these couples are very much in love and are quite legally married... more or less. I'm assuming they are. They're all officially registered with a governmental agency in charge of such things, or the equivalent if such a thing is not really possible. Also, please don't go crazy about age. So they're a little young, mostly, that's not a problem, is it? [Everyone looks quite pointedly at Yoshiyuki and Rika, the schoolgirl with the ring. Yoshiyuki sweatdrops and Rika just smiles brightly, waving her hand with the ring on it] Well... I guess it isn't. Glad to see that's settled, I guess. Remember that we do have security guards, so if any conservatives try to rush the set, you will be hurt. I think that's all... [Checks notes] Love, marriage, age, conservatives... Oh yes! The warning! This show is rated TV-MA17R and whatever other nonsense means that little children will explode if their eyes see this. So all you little children go away and don't return unless your mommy and daddy are asleep. Also, if I look online and find this show used as a conservative rant against whatever I'm going to find you. Well now, that's about all I can think of. Well then, that's good at least.

Mikino: My daughter got married? Oh my, I'm so happy! I just can't wait to see who the groom is. [Everyone but her facefaults]

Terriermon: Trust me, you won't be saying that in a minute...

Gabriel: [Rising to his place behind the podium] Err... Anyway, let's get to our contestants. Our first couple hails from beautiful Tokyo, Japan. Collectively, these newlyweds enjoy fighting, long walks in the park, and kissing passionately beneath the stars. Let's welcome Rika Nonaka and Renamon... Nonaka... I guess... Come on out you two!

[From backstage Rika and Renamon come hand in hand, cheers coming from the Digimon in the audience, and the random extras. They both take their seats in the first pair of comfy chairs and give each other kisses on the nose]

Mikino: [Confused] Ummmm... Where's her husband at and who or what is that giant fox thing?

Rika: [Angry] Mother, this IS my spouse. And her name is Renamon. I'll thank you to remember that.

Mikino: What?! You're married to a female fox thing?! How will you ever catch a man if they find out about that?

Rika: [Holding her face] It's RENAMON, mother. My wife's name is Renamon. Please try to learn it and be respectful, I plan to have her around for a while.

Renamon: [Calmer] I realize this may be a bit of a shock, but I do love your daughter a great deal. Please try to understand that.

[Mikino sits there silently now, trying to comprehend everything]

Gabriel: [Sweatdropping] Heh heh... [Quietly] Why did I ever take this job..? [Louder] Anyway, on to couple number two, who hail from Tokyo as well. They enjoy videotapes, flying, and quiet nights at home. Let's all welcome, Sakura Kinomoto-Daidouji and Tomoyo Kinomoto-Daidouji. [Much cheering from Sakura's classmates, Yoshiyuki, and Sonomi. Fujitaka blinks a great deal]

Fujitaka: Y-you took her name?

Sakura: Of course, daddy. It only seemed proper.

Fujitaka: [Looking at Touya and Yukito in the audience] T-touya, you're going to keep your name, right?

Touya: Of course dad.

Yukito: I'm going to take Touya-koibito's name! [Snuggling against Touya as flowers blow across the scene, thoughtfully provided by Flower]

Fujitaka: [Hitting his head softly on the table] What did I do to deserve this..?

Mikino: At least your daughter-in-law is a human...

Sonomi: There is nothing wrong with my darling Tomoyo! She is a perfect match for your Sakura. My Nadeshiko would be proud of her, seeing her so clearly in love. And why are you complaining, Fujitaka? My daughter is exceptionally rich. You can benefit from that as long as Tomoyo has some reason to like you.

Gabriel: [Rubbing his forehead] It's only one show. It's only one show... [Brightly] Let's just move along before this turns into an argument about finances. Our third couple enjoys spending time together, day and night. They are rarely separated by anything, and adore each other's company. Come on out, Brock and Vulpix!

[Brock comes from backstage holding Vulpix in his arms, a brush in his back pocket. He sets Vulpix carefully down on the chair and places her brush beside her, before taking a seat himself. Pineco, Geodude, and Onix cheer for them; everyone else is sitting in stunned silence. Including Ash and Misty]

Ash: Wow... Brock's really been keeping things to himself...

Pikachu: Pi pikachu... [Sweatdrop]

Misty: [Beady-eyed and sweatdropping] Err... Why Brock, you should have told us. I'm sure we would have enjoyed the wedding...

Brock: I didn't want to say anything, because I wasn't sure how you would take it. Vulpix is the most beautiful creature in the entire world. I wanted to spend my life with her, but I wasn't sure how everyone would take it. [Dramatically, standing and pointing his finger to the sky] But now I know that love is the only thing that matters! So I am here to publicly announce that I love Vulpix!

[For a moment no one moves, then they all facefault, except for Pineco, Onix, and Geodude]

Gabriel: Well, I knew it, of course... I didn't believe it... I thought the producer was being funny again... Anyway, since our lovely young Vulpix has some... communication difficulties, I have brought in some help for her.

[Meowth walks from backstage and hops up onto the top of the trellis near Vulpix]

Meowth: Ahem! I am here as a neutral translator for Vulpix, and I'll be writing down the answers she tells me to. I have been sworn to accuracy, or I'll be boined into a catboiger. Also, I have to keep my paws clean, or I'll WISH I was just a catboiger.

[The two familiar-looking people in the audience sweatdrop, looking at each other with a hint of fear]

Gabriel: Moving on... Moving on... Our final couple has been together for quite some time. They love soft music, snuggling, and wearing pretty things. Please give a cheer for Light and Dark!

[The Clow cards in the audience cheer... except for Silent, again. Even Sakura applauds a little bit, while Tomoyo tapes her hands. Kero does a few slow circles above the Judge's table, while Flower creates a trail of rose petals for Light and Dark to walk on]

Dark: Thank you! Thank you! Finally, an appreciative audience!

Light: [Pulling Dark into her seat] Please, koi, don't do anything embarrassing...

Dark: When have I ever?

Light: What about the time I caught you trying to grope Sweet?

Dark: Ahhh... Ahhh... It wasn't my fault! I tripped! I swear! There's no one for me but you!

Light: Don't be so panicky. As long as you never actually do anything, I'm happy.

[Dark looks guiltless and innocent. And it's very, very likely honest]

Gabriel: Well, now that we've met our contestants, let's get to the rules. I'll ask one partner a question. They then write their answer on the dry erase board. Then, the other partner must say what they thought their spouse said. For the winning couple, we have a fabulous grand prize. Tell 'em what it is, Sammy!

Announcer: It's an all-expenses paid trip to Las Vegas! You will be staying in the plush Luxor Hotel/Casino, for three days and two nights of cozy living. You will also be given tickets to any show you choose on the Vegas strip, including the astounding Sigfreid and Roy.

Gabriel: Thanks Sammy. And don't forget, our losing contestants won't go away empty-handed. To those who don't win will go a hundred-dollar gift certificate to the Sharper Image, and five dollars off any CD at the Warehouse.

Renamon: [To Rika] Even if we don't win we can finally afford that massaging recliner we've been wanting.

Mikino: Ack! Now it's buying furniture for my little girl!

Terriermon: Ms. Nonaka? Grow up.

Mikino: And now the stuffed animal is insulting me!

Gabriel: [Holding his face in both hands] I went to college. I could have a good job... [Straightening up and plastering a smile on his face] Well, let's get to those questions. The first few are going to be the husbands trying to guess what their wives would say. [Nobody moves] Oh yea, forgot about the pairings... Well, how about this? Sakura, Renamon, Dark, you be the husbands.

Tomoyo: [Still recording Sakura] Yay! Now my lovely Sakura gets to wear that prince costume again! I'm so glad I kept it with me.

[Everyone sweatdrops, including Sakura as she is led backstage by Tomoyo. They return a moment later, with Sakura in the prince costume Tomoyo made for the play Sleeping Beauty when Sakura had to be the prince. She herself is in the dress she had made for Syaoran for that same play, when he was the Princess]

Tomoyo: There! Now you look proper for the part.

Gabriel: I ain't even gonna ask...

[Fujitaka rubs his forehead while Sonomi smiles brightly]

Yukito: Aren't they so kawaii, To-ya?

Touya: The little monster, married already.

Yukito: When are we gonna get married, Touya-koibito?

Touya: As soon as I can afford it. This is going to mean a lot of after school jobs.

Gabriel: Ok, finally. First question for the... designated men. [Looks at the card, up at the contestants, and back at the card] Please keep in mind that most of these questions were made for the average dunderhead who can't remember when anything is except for football games. Most of these will be quite easy. "When, and where, was your first kiss together?"

[The designated females scribble on the boards, while Meowth listens to Vulpix "ix" and "Vul" and other such things. Then he writes down what she says]

Gabriel: Ok, we'll start with Rika and Renamon. Renamon, when and where?

Renamon: Too easy. The very same night Rika came to my aid against Harpymon. After I admitted my feelings to her we had a deep, passionate kiss. We were in her bedroom, and she was sitting on the floor, blanket sliding off...

Mikino: That's enough! No more!

Gabriel: Much as I'd like to hear more, she does have a point. Rika, let's see your answer.

[Rika shows her board, which reads "The night Renamon admitted she loved me. We were in my bedroom, and then it happened."]

Gabriel: Perfect. Sakura?

Sakura: The night after I beat Yue. In Tomoyo's room. She was taping it and watches it all the time.

Gabriel: Is that correct, Tomoyo?

[Tomoyo flips the board. "The night after Sakura defeated Yue to become Mistress of the cards. We were in my room and I told her how I feel. I even taped it! I'm so happy to be with Sakura."]

Sonomi: So that's what's on the tape that says "Happiness".

Gabriel: Touching, and correct. Brock, try to keep the trend going.

Brock: The day after I met her. I was brushing her in a Pokemon center and she hopped onto her hind legs on my lap, placed her forepaws on my chest, and gave me a kiss.

Gabriel: An aggressive woman. Interesting. What's the verdict, Meowth?

[Meowth turns over the board, revealing "The day after we met. He was brushing me in a Pokemon center and then I did it."]

Meowth: Then she went on fer a bit about how she felt. I don't think I'm supposed to hear stuff like dis.

Gabriel: I can only imagine what she said... Anyway, Dark, wrap it up for us.

Dark: [Looking panicked] Ummm... Umm... It was... Don't tell me! It was just after Clow Reed gave life to the cards! I recognized her as a perfect compliment to myself, and I kissed her. And then she slapped me. If I recall right, we were in Clow Reed's workspace.

Gabriel: It figures. Light?

[Light turns over the board, revealing "In Clow Reed's Workspace, right after we'd been given form. She kissed me, and I slapped her. Then I kissed her back."]

Gabriel: Damn, my love life is boring compared to all of you. Anyway, after the first question the score is tied, one apiece. Next question: What position were you in when you first had sex? Not ever, but with your current partner. [GlareGlare] Err... I guess they'd be the same thing. [Nervous Chuckle]

[Everyone starts jotting down answers, Meowth translating for Vulpix and blushing horribly]

Gabriel: Ok, just like last time, Renamon, start this thing off.

Renamon: I remember quite well. It was a sixty-nine, with Rika on the top, so she could lie freely on my plush...

Mikino: I REALLY don't want to hear about what you did with my daughter!

[Rika casually turns over the board. "Sixty-nine, me on top."]

Rika: Oh honestly, mother. It's nothing to be ashamed of. We keep it in the house, usually in my room. Or on special nights we'll do it in front of the koi pond.

Mikino: The koi pond? Oh my... Where? I'll have to bring in a cleaning crew...

Gabriel: [Sweatdropping, along with everyone else] She has some serious issues to work out. Sakura?

Sakura: [Blushing] We were on her bed and... Tomoyo was between my legs...

Fujitaka: That's just about enough of that!

Gabriel: Spoilsport parents... Tomoyo, what did you write?

[Tomoyo turns over the board. "I was between her legs, and very tenderly brought her pleasure."]

Tomoyo: [Taping Sakura's face the whole time] I've got that on tape too. But only Sakura and I can watch it.

[Sakura blushes deeper. Fujitaka just looks ill. Sonomi smiles winningly]

Gabriel: Good thing, I think Fujitaka's ready to have a coronary. What say you, Brock?

Brock: [Mutters]

Gabriel: I'm sorry, I missed that.

Brock: [Mutters again]

Gabriel: If I can't hear the answer you don't get the point.

Brock: [Shouting] Doggie style, ok!? Doggie style!

[The entire audience, including Onix, Pineco, and Geodude, goes stock still. All the judges and contestants sweatdrop. The only one unaffected is Vulpix]

Gabriel: What did Vulpix have to say about it?

[Meowth flips over the board. "Vulpix style."]

Gabriel: Judges?

[Ash, Misty, Kero, Flower, Sonomi and Terriermon confer. Mikino and Fujitaka are still sitting in shock]

Misty: We'll accept the answer, though please don't elaborate on how it's possible.

Meowth: She tried to...

[Everyone facefaults except for Vulpix and Brock]

Gabriel: [Regaining his composure] Dark, finish this question off for us.

Dark: Light was... Light was... Light was the one doing the licking first, ok?

[Light flips over the board. "I seduced her, got her on her back, and started to lick."]

Gabriel: Never saw that one coming. Another perfect round. Maybe I should throw some less obvious questions out there. Ok, something a little harder. If your spouse had to describe you in one word, what would it be?

[Much, much thinking, and slow scribbling]

Gabriel: Ok that's it. Renamon?

Renamon: Determined.

Gabriel: Very nice. Rika, what did you say?

[Rika turns over the board with a blush. "Flexible."]

Renamon: [Blushing] Heartbreaker...

Mikino: Rika! I'm shocked.

Rika: Get over it mother. I appreciate the fact that Renamon can curl up into a fluffy ball. It's nice on those cold nights when a blanket won't cut it. Especially since her fur is so soft and fragrant against my bare skin. Yes, I sleep naked. If you were in my place, wouldn't you?

Gabriel: That's enough of that. Let's just move along. Sakura?

Sakura: Kawaii.

Gabriel: Direct and to the point. Tomoyo, is that right?

[Tomoyo flips over the board while she films Sakura. "Kawaii!!"]

Gabriel: A very in-tune couple indeed. Brock, what do you think Vulpix said?

Brock: Handsome.

[Meowth flips the board. "Handsome." But there had been some erasure before]

Gabriel: What's with the erasing?

Meowth: She said something then decided against it.

Gabriel: What did she say?

Meowth: [Sweatdropping] Big.

[Everyone facefaults, including Brock]

Gabriel: [From the ground] This girl certainly knows what she likes. [Standing again] Anyway, Dark, what do you say?

Dark: I'd say... sexy.

Gabriel: Nice. Light?

[Light flips the board. "Energetic."]

Gabriel: Oooh, not even close. So, after three questions Rika and Renamon have two points, Tomoyo and Sakura have three, Brock and Vulpix have three, and Light and Dark have two. This next one is really gonna be tough. What would your spouse say your worst quality or habit is?

[A great deal of consideration goes on before the designated ladies write down their answers]

Gabriel: Alright, let's get this little party started. Renamon, what do you think she said?

Renamon: The way my muzzle usually ends up on her chest, usually with my nose on one nipple. Accidentally, of course.

Mikino: AAAAAAAGH!

Gabriel: Settle down. It would be too hard to find a new judge if you have a nervous breakdown. Rika?

[Rika flips over the board with a smile. "When her cold, wet nose ends up on my nipple while we're asleep."]

Gabriel: I'd imagine that is rather annoying indeed. Sakura?

Sakura: Knowing my sweetheart, she'll say there is nothing wrong with me.

Gabriel: Safe bet. Tomoyo, is that right?

[Tomoyo flips the board. "Sakura is perfect and without flaw! ^_^"]

Gabriel: How touching. Brock?

Brock: Well... I'd have to say it's my tendency to over dramatize things.

Gabriel: What did Vulpix have to say about it, Meowth?

[Meowth flips the board over. "The way he chases skirts. But only to be funny. If I thought he was serious I'd burn something tender."]

Gabriel: [Gulping] Quite the strong woman you have there, Brock.

Meowth: She made me add the last part. I tink she means it.

Brock: [Sweatdropping] D-don't worry, honey, you know you're the only one for me.

[Vulpix curls up on the chair, and Brock immediately begins to brush her]

Gabriel: That's a new one on me. Dark, please end this.

Dark: Well, I'd have to say... my irresistible charm.

Gabriel: I can think of something else... Light?

[Light flips over her board. "Her wandering eye."]

Dark: You're going to keep bringing that up, aren't you?

Light: For all of eternity, dearest.

[Flower blows petals across the scene while Light and Dark kiss]

Gabriel: Well... At the end of the first round, Rika and Renamon have three points, Sakura and Tomoyo have four points, Brock and Vulpix have three points, and Light and Dark have two points. We'll be right back, after these commercial messages. [Quietly] These people are going to drive me nuts...

[Commercial break]

Soft, sexy voice: Are you lonely? Are you unable to get a date for some strange reason? Do you ever find yourself wishing it was as easy as picking up the phone and calling someone? Well, now it is, at Team Rocket escort services.

[The screen reveals Jessie, James, Meowth, Wheezing, Arbok, Victreebell, and Wobbufet in matching white miniskirts and white blouses. They're all dancing around to some sugary pop music. Everyone is sweatdropping, except for James, who's looking quite into it]

Meowth: Dis is lower than I tought we'd go...

Jessie: [Klonking Meowth with her fist] Quiet Meowth! We're short of cash again, and this is the only option we have left.

James: I really don't mind, as long as no one wants me to go all the way.

Jessie: [Klonking James] Idiot! We're not the ones doing anything; we're just front men. The boss gave us some pokemon to use, and his secretary is available when we run out of those. Oh let's just run the list!

[A list of the available pokemon runs by, with notes about each one]

Arcanine: For the man who likes his women hot and close to hearth and home. This pretty little maid will warm your heart and everything else.

Rapidash: For the woman on the go, someone to help you get there quicker. Quite a nice guy for those who enjoy a little size. Note: Persons requesting a Rapidash must sign a waiver releasing Team Rocket Escort Services from all medical responsibility.

Raichu: The gal with the electric personality and plenty of rouge! If you thought wearing a rubber was important before...

Persian: For men who like classy women, we have this hot-to-trot little Hoity-toity number just waiting to be pampered and adored by someone. Maybe you?

Lickitung: No need to say a word...

Eevee: For a man of taste who likes a little variety in his dates. Please note: Anyone who changes Eevee's form must pay an additional fee depending upon the form given.

The Boss's secretary: [Tied to a chair and gagged, dressed up in a pikachu costume] She has quite generously volunteered her time to this enterprise. Chair and gag optional, but orderable at time of phone call.

Meowth: Dis'll never woik!

Jessie: I said quiet! At least give it a chance!

[Meowth slashes Jessie]

Meowth: Ferget it! I'm ditching dis drag show and headin' out for greener catnip.

Jessie: Take one step away from here and I'll have to get rough with you.

Meowth: Oh yea? Youse and what army?

Jessie: [Tossing a surprised James at Mewoth] This army!

[They all start squabbling amongst themselves]

Soft, sexy voice: You perfect date is just a phone call away. Call now, if you're up to it.

[The next commercial pops on immediately. Jon Talbain's face is smack in the middle of the screen]

Jon: Hi there, I'm Jon Talbain, and I want you to see something.

[The camera pulls back to reveal Felicia snuggling against Jon, mewing and purring as she rubs her face against his chest]

Jon: One of the sexiest kitties in the entire universe is snuggling herself against me! Isn't that a trip? Know what's better? We have sex every night! Every night, without fail. I know some of you are horribly jealous of me right now. What's my secret you ask? Well, find out in my new book, "How to score with sexy kitties and other critters." [Close up of the book] For just $19.95 plus shipping and handing you too can know how to get, and keep, all those cute animal chickies you've been eyeing. Call right now and I'll include a catnip mouse, just in case your feline date starts getting bored.

[The next commercial fades in after the last one. This time, it's Felicia's face in the middle of the screen]

Felicia: Hello! I'm Felicia, and I've got something that you gals might be interested in.

[The camera pulls out to show Jon Talbain with his face buried in Felicia's cleavage]

Felicia: Ain't that something? A big beefcake werewolf is utterly devoted to me! He's such a sweetheart. And quite a lover. Every night, sometimes twice. And let me tell you, it's always better the second time around. So what's the marvelous secret to this? Find out in my new book, "How to nab beefy critter guys." Got your eye on a special doggy, or a kitty, or any of the other myriad species out there? My book will show you exactly how to catch their attention and keep them begging for more. Just $19.95 plus shipping and handling. I'll even throw in a rubber chew bone, to sweeten the deal for canines.

[End commercial break]

Gabriel: [Writing on the back of one of his cards] "How to score with sexy kitties and other critters." 1-800-45... Oh! Are we on? Right! Well, time for the second round, where our designated wives have to guess what their spouses have to say. First question, "What was the worst sexual idea that you followed through on?"

[The designated husbands jot things down quickly, considering only for a few moments]

Gabriel: Rika, what do you say?

Rika: Well, I'd have to say the time we made love in the koi pond. We splashed too much and almost knocked one of the koi out of the pond.

Mikino: You had sex IN my koi pond!? Have you no shame?

Rika: I don't think the koi cared, mother, except for the one we almost knocked out.

Gabriel: That's an image I'll carry with me for the rest of my life. Man I love this job. Renamon?

[Renamon flips over her board. "On the roof."]

Rika: That wasn't so bad, Renamon.

Renamon: Heartbreaker, you almost rolled off the edge. I caught you barely in time.

Rika: It was worth it. It was very worth it. Besides, I really thanked you nicely for saving me, didn't I?

Renamon: [Blushing] That you did, Heartbreaker...

Gabriel: Very sweet. Still loving despite not getting the point. Tomoyo?

Tomoyo: Using the maze to try and have an adventure before we did anything. I got lost and she had to recall it to find me again. On the up side, she was especially sweet when we finally did make love.

Fujitaka: This is my little girl! Have you no shame?

All the judges except for Mikino and Fujitaka: Get over it!

Gabriel: Sounds like a bad idea. Sakura?

[Sakura flips over her board. "Using Fly to make love over her house. Her camcorder fell and broke."]

Sonomi: That's why you needed a new camera. I wondered what happened to the one you usually use.

Tomoyo: Oooh, Sakura, you're so sweet to remember! I saved all the pieces of that one because it's what I used to record your adventures. [She records Sakura's reaction and then starts to move the camera up and down her body] Let's keep these outfits on after the show...

Sonomi: Ahh, my Tomoyo is so much like me. And Sakura is so very like my beloved Nadeshiko.

Fujitaka: [Muttering] I married her...

Sonomi: [Strangling Fujitaka] You had to say it, didn't you?

Gabriel: Security!

[Agumon and Biyomon run out from backstage and pull Sonomi and Fujitaka apart]

Agumon: Thanks for spoiling the mood you two.

Biyomon: Yea! Do you realize how long it takes to get romantic behind a fake wall on a game show?

Gabriel: [Sweatdropping] I think that'll be all, go ahead backstage and get back to whatever it is you were doing.

[Biyomon flies backstage, with Agumon hot on her feathery tail, giving a wink to everyone before he's out of sight]

Gabriel: Even the security guards... Well, next. Vulpix?

Vulpix: Vulp.

Meowth: She says, "Oral."

[Every male in the room grabs at their crotches instinctively. Even the familiar-looking blue haired woman. Odd. Micah does too, but then, you knew that ^_^]

Gabriel: That about says it all. Brock?

[Brock turns over the board. "Oral."]

Gabriel: You're a brave man for even attempting it. Your faith in your wife's love is astounding. Light?

Light: The time we made love in the book of Clow, in the midst of everyone. All the other cards were asleep at the time. She squealed too loud when she orgasmed and woke everybody up.

Gabriel: Never saw that coming. Dark?

[Dark flips over her board. "The time we made love in the open space inside of the book of Clow."]

Gabriel: You learn something new every day. Very nice round. A lot of interesting revelations. Ok, next question is rather personal. What is your biggest sexual prohibition? If there is more than one, then try to think of the most essential one.

[Everyone thinks quite deeply, rubbing their heads, counting on their fingers, or doing probability calculations in their heads. Finally, everyone is squared away]

Gabriel: Righty-o. Rika, what do you say?

Rika: Well, there are a few. But I think the one Renamon said was "No sex toys."

Gabriel: I can see how that might be important. Renamon?

[Renamon flips over the board. "No sexual toys."]

Gabriel: A lucky guess for both of you. What do you say, Tomoyo?

Tomoyo: I'd guess "No erotic contact with the Clow Cards."

Gabriel: I shoulda guessed that. Sakura?

[Sakura turns over her board. "No sexual activity with the Clow cards."]

Dark: It's absolutely true. Believe me, I've tried.

Fujitaka: [To Sonomi] This is your doing, isn't it? You planned all this to drive me out of my mind, didn't you?

Sonomi: I'm flattered, Fujitaka, but I'm not that clever. This is just a delicious coincidence.

Gabriel: Well, that's another right answer. Vulpix?

Vulpix: Vul.

Meowth: She says "No anal."

Gabriel: That's just common sense right there. How's your common sense, Brock?

[Brock flips over his board. "No anal."]

Gabriel: Man's got a lot of common sense indeed. Finish this please, Light.

Light: The only rule I need, besides the one the young girl and the fox said, and that is "No sleeping around."

Gabriel: You've said it loudly and often on this program. Dark, I do hope you paid attention.

[Dark reveals her board. "No screwing the other cards."]

Gabriel: I think that counts, but that leaves out humans. Judges?

[All the judges confer this time, Kero and Terriermon being the most outspoken. Quickly, a decision is reached and Kero clears his throat]

Kero: We will accept that answer.

Gabriel: Thank you judges. Well, it seems that you are all very in tune with your spouses on matters of personal sexual activity. Now, let's see if we can't detect a few differences in thinking. Which of these words would your spouse say best described your honeymoon: Earth-shattering, knee weakening, or "You gotta be kidding me"?

[A lot of consideration follows, along with a good deal of chuckling and sidelong glancing]

Gabriel: Sounds like we've got some divided opinions on this one. Rika?

Rika: Well, since it wasn't our first sexual encounter...

[Mikino holds her head in her hands and weeps]

Rika: I knew what to expect. However, since it was a special occasion I decided to give it all that I could and Renamon did too. I'd have to say Earth-shattering.

Gabriel: High praise indeed. I can't remember the last time I got Earth-shattering. Renamon, is Rika's faith well placed?

[Renamon flips over her board. "Earth-shattering doesn't even come close to describing it, but since that's the only option..."]

Gabriel: Quite talented for one so young.

Mikino: You're making my daughter sound like some kind of tramp!

Rika: Get real, mother. Like I'd ever sleep around. I don't need that. I've got a real fireball in my bed right now. No need to look for anything else.

Gabriel: That's dedication. What do you think, Tomoyo?

Tomoyo: I think it was very, very spectacular, but my Sakura is too modest and shy. So I'll say knee weakening.

Gabriel: Very in tune. Sakura?

[Sakura turn over her board. "Knee weakening."]

Sonomi: Don't be so modest, Sakura-chan. Tell people how you really felt about it.

Sakura: It was oh so wonderful. Tomoyo was sweet and passionate and... hoeeeeee...

Tomoyo: [Videotaping Sakura's blush] How kawaiiiiiii!!

Fujitaka: Stop influencing my daughter like that!

Sonomi: Oh grow up, Fujitaka. Sakura is just expressing herself.

Gabriel: Allow me to derail this little family squabble. Vulpix, what do you say?

Vulpix: Pix ix.

Meowth: She says it was Earth-shatterin'.

Gabriel: I would have guessed pelvis shattering. Brock?

[Brock turns over his board. "Earth-shattering. Volcanic. Explosive."]

Gabriel: One answer would have sufficed. Ok Light, wrap this up.

Light: I want to say something not too nice, just because I know about Dark's tendency to get a swelled head. However, to be truthful, it was rather earth-shattering.

Gabriel: Playing the game your spouse does. Dark?

[Dark flips the board over with a blush. "Knee weakening."]

Gabriel: How about that? Dark thought light would say the lesser because of her tendency to be dramatic, and in the end her honesty could have gotten them a point. There's never a dull moment in this game. Ok, last question. What single thing turns on your spouse the most? Rika?

Rika: Far, far too easy. When I rub the very base of her tail, right where it connects to her body. She's especially receptive when I rub the underside in that area.

Gabriel: I should have guessed. Foxes just love those tails. Renamon?

[Renamon flips over the board. "When she rubs the underside of the base of my tail."]

Gabriel: No brainer, obviously. Tomoyo?

Tomoyo: When I run the tips of my fingers up her left thigh, especially if she's wearing a skirt.

Gabriel: Getting specific there. Sakura, is she right?

[Sakura blushes and reveals her answer. "When Tomoyo runs her fingers up my left thigh while I'm wearing a skirt."]

Fujitaka: I don't need to hear these things about my little girl!

Gabriel: Ignoring the outburst and moving on, what do you say Vulpix?

Vulpix: Vul pix ix vulp.

Meowth: She says "When I sniff at his crotch."

Gabriel: And I'd imagine you can get away with teasing him in public. Brock?

[Brock turns over his board. "When she turns her rear towards me with all her tails up."]

Gabriel: Wrong answer. Wow, you must get turned on a lot.

[Ash and Misty Facefault]

Ash: Hey! We still gotta travel with him!

Misty: Yea! Don't give us any images to lug around.

Gabriel: My apologies. Light?

Light: When I lick around her right earlobe while cupping her breasts.

Gabriel: I suppose that'll do. Dark?

[Dark turns over her board. "When she licks my earlobe and gives my breasts a squeeze."]

Gabriel: Not as detailed, but still right. And so, after both rounds of play, Tomoyo and Sakura are in the lead with seven, Brock and Vulpix are tied with Rika and Renamon with six, and Light and Dark are trailing with five. The bonus question to decide it all when we return.

[Commercial break]

Washu: Hello there, my name is Washu. I'm the greatest mad scientist in the entire universe! [Thunderclaps] Ahem! That's why you should listen to this important message. Ladies, are you unsatisfied with your bust? Afraid you haven't got what it takes to impress a man and keep him? Well then have I got something for you! It's my new invention, recently approved for use on human beings! The wonderful Boob-a-lot! Yes, with just one little pill you can get the bust you always dreamed of. And then some. Watch this actual product demonstration!

[A randomly selected small-chested anime girl is given a single tiny pill. She swallows it and downs a glass of water. A moment later her chest has expanded to a healthy and respectable D-cup. She's quite impressed with it. Then two more sets of breasts grow below the first set, straining her shirt a good deal]

[Cut to Washu]

Washu: See? Astounding results with one dose! So call now and order yours today!

Fast-talking disclaimer voice: Offer not valid where untested products prohibited by law. Not to be used in conjunction with other products. Results more than typical. Use only as directed. No refunds issued. Special bra available at time of ordering.

[The next commercial fades into view]

[Henry Long is sitting behind a desk surrounded by books]

Henry: Hello there, I'm Henry Long. You may know me as Terriermon's tamer and about the only person Rika isn't an absolute jerk to.

Rika: [Off camera] Hey!

Henry: [Sweatdropping moderately] I'm here to talk to you today about your legal rights as a Digimon Tamer, and even as a Digimon. As everyone knows, or perhaps doesn't know, Digimon are afforded almost no legal protection, and Tamers are often held accountable for the things they do, even if it's an accident, or is done of their own free will. Those Digimon without Tamers are often in a worse spot than those with, seen as little more than a dangerous nuisance. Well now, there's hope, because there's help. At the law offices of Long, Nonaka and Nonaka...

Rika: That's Nonaka, Nonaka and Long!

Henry: [Sweatdropping again] That's right... [Muttering] How did this happen to me..? [Louder] Here at Nonaka, Nonaka and Long, we fight for the rights of Tamers and Digimon alike. Just listen to these stories.

Impmon: One day this kid was really botherin' me, so I tossed a little fire at him, BADA-BOOM! Short story, kid isn't even hurt, but he runs off screamin' like a little baby. Next thing I know I've got goons breathin' down my neck. But foxy-lady stood up fer me in court and I got a warnin'! And three month's community service... But at least I ain't a data cloud!

Culumon: It's really hard being all alone. Nobody wants you around, especially when you're a Digimon. Too many people complained about me, even though I didn't do anything. Then Henry fought for me in court. Now I live in a little rooftop room with my own bed and everything!

Takato: How was I supposed to know that little shed I put Gillmon in was some important maintenance shed for the city. Thankfully, Nonaka, Nonaka and Long was there for me. It was kinda weird having Rika as a lawyer, though, always hearing her call me goggle head or loser-boy in front of the judge. But she got the job done, and now Gillmon can stay there as long as he wants, providing he doesn't destroy it.

Henry: As you can see, when we fight, we win. So if you need help, and the law just isn't on your side, don't give up hope, just call L... Nonaka, Nonaka, and Long, the Digimon specialists. [Muttering] I don't care if she is Renamon's wife, she's still annoying...

Rika: I heard that!

Henry: Call today! [Running off-screen, while being chased by Rika]

[The next commercial bursts onto the screen with bright and brassy music]

Announcer: It's the wildest video you'll ever see. It's hot, it's risque, it's... Clow Cards Gone Wild! See what happens when these magical ladies get loose and get crazy!

[Scenes from the movie, including audio commentary from the announcer]

Here you can see why Thunder just loves it when Wood gets completely plastered and starts to try and prove she isn't.

This joyful little scene just goes to show you that the only thing better than Twin is Twin, Mirror and Illusion.

There's only one thing that can come of Vodka stingers and Song, and that's the ever popular drunken, stumbling karaoke.

Create shows off how useful she really is when she showers a grappling Power and Fight in chocolate pudding and whipped cream.

One tequila, two tequila, it's a shot for shot competition between Silent and Shot, with score being carefully kept by Glow. But Flower is right behind them, waiting to steal clothing from the one who slumps first.

Announcer: And that's not all! Also on this tape is a little something for all you ladies!

[The scene is now a quiet table with two lit candles. Between them is a half-eaten piece of chocolate cake. Above the cake floats Spinel and Kero. Spinel is embracing Kero and kissing him deeply. Kero doesn't seem to be resisting, but he doesn't look quite sure of himself]

Announcer: Remember, only Clow Cards Gone Wild has all this and much, much more! So if you love girls with power just call now and order!

[Disclaimer text: 18 and over only. Produced by Daidouji Productions Inc.]

[End commercial break]

[As the show comes back on, you can see all the cards in attendance, sans Light and Dark of course, and Kero staring at the monitor the commercials were playing on]

Flower: I didn't think anyone saw me stealing Silent and Shot's clothes.

Spinel: [Sneaking up behind Kero] Don't we look cute together?

Kero: Spinel! I-I thought you were back in England!

Spinel: I just had to come back for you, sweetie...

Kero: I'm not your sweetie!

Spinel: Then how come we were just sucking face on national television, hmmm?

Kero: You tricked me! With cake!

Spinel: Oh, come now Kero. If I had really tricked you then you wouldn't have been so cooperative, now would you?

Kero: Well... It was the cake! It made me... easy to manipulate.

Spinel: [Grinning] Right... Anyway, I'll be back stage so just come see me when you're done. And call me anytime. You've got my number. [Spinel flies backstage]

Kero: [Blushing] Daidouji productions? Tomoyo, that was you doing the camera work?

Tomoyo: [Nodding] Yep! Sakura and I got all that footage and decided to sell it, in order to help supplement our income. We have to plan for the future you know.

Kero: [Facefaulting and sweatdropping] But did you have to add the thing with Spinel and me?

Sakura: I thought it was cute! Eriol might be kinda creepy, but Spinel seems good for you.

Kero: Now she's playing matchmaker...

[Meanwhile, Gabriel and Micah are together at the podium. They're alternately kissing and making plans for later]

Gabriel: Yea, Thursday's great for me, just gimme a call before you... Oh, we're on! [He grins sheepishly as Micah waves to the camera and heads back to her seat] Alright, here we are. The bonus question. This will decide you fate, so think hard. Both partners will write down their answers and reveal them at the same time. So, for five points, and very likely...

[The two familiar faces in the audience jump from their seats. The Magenta haired woman rips off her costume, revealing her Uniform with a big red "R" on her chest. The blue haired woman... doesn't do anything. But you know who it is]

Jessie: Prepare for trouble!

James: And make it double!

Jessie: To protect the world from... Hold it, hold it. James! What are you doing in that dress still? You should be in uniform!

James: It just so happens this dress is comfy and soft, and it fits my look just perfectly.

Jessie: [Vein popping out on her forehead] This isn't the time or place for that you idiot. We're here to grab Pokemon, not to indulge your cross-dressing habits. [To Meowth] Meowth! Grab that Vulpix and bring her over here.

Meowth: [Looking at Vulpix with fear] No way! She'd kill me! And I'm trying to make a little kissie-face with that new Persian in reserve. She's really coming onta me pretty good.

Jessie: I don't care whose pants you're trying to get into, we have a job to do and you will help us!

Meowth: Make me!

Jessie: [Snarling] If that how it's going to be, Meowth. [Tossing pokeballs] Arbok, Wobbufet, GO!

James: [Tossing pokeballs] Victreebell, Weezing, GO!

[James is immediately swallowed by Victreebell]

James: No! Victreebell, you're messing my makeup!

Jessie: Arbok, poison sting attack!

[The attack misses Meowth entirely and ends up hitting the wall behind Brock and Vulpix, making it look like somebody let off a flechette canister]

Brock: Vulpix, fire spin!

Vulpix: Vul! [Vulpix blows a massive spray of fire from her mouth, the flames swirling around and around, lifting up Team Rocket and sending them shooting off into the distance, James still engulfed by Victreebell]

James and Jessie: Looks like Team Rocket's blasting off again!

Wobbufet: Wobbufet!

Vulpix: Pix. [She turns around three times and lays down on her seat]

Ash: Misty?

Misty: Yes Ash?

Ash: Did somebody pour water on my seat?

Misty: I don't think so Ash...

[The game halts for a moment as maintenance clears away the poison sting, and wipes down Ash's chair. Ash himself holds up the game as he tries to find some pants that fit in wardrobe. When he comes back it turns out the only thing they had that would fit him was a pair of bright pink stretch pants]

Ash: This is humiliating.

Pikachu: [Sweatdropping and nodding] Pika pi chu.

Misty: No, what's humiliating is that you wet yourself on national television.

Ash: [Facefaulting into the table] This couldn't possibly get any worse.

Gabriel: Because of Mr. Ketchum's little... accident, his mother has been called and she is on her way right now with spare underwear and another pair of pants.

Misty: You were saying?

Togepi: Toge priiiiii!

Gabriel: Now, if I may continue. As I was saying, before I was so rudely interrupted, this is the bonus question. Both partners write down their answers and pray they're on the same wavelength on this. For five points, and quite possibly the game, "What was the kinkiest thing you and your spouse have ever done?"

[Fujitaka and Mikino begin to weep openly]

[Everyone takes a lot of time to think about the question at hand, each one very carefully printing their answer on the dry erase board]

Gabriel: Ok, Light and Dark, since you're the ones way behind in the score, you two go first. What did you say?

[They both flip their boards over at once. Light's says "The time we intentionally groped and stroked each other in front of everybody, while totally naked." Dark's says "The time she tied me to the bed and started using a feather..."]

Gabriel: Both of those are very good answers, however, they don't match. It's still a very close game, whoever gets this will very likely win. Ok, next up, Brock and Vulpix. What say the two of you?

[Brock flips his board while Meowth flips Vulpix's. Brock's says "The time she licked me to orgasm while I just fingered her." while Vulpix's says "When he dressed up in a Vulpix costume and courted me like a regular Vulpix."]

Gabriel: That vulpix costume sounds more cute that kinky, but what do I know? So sorry, but you don't get it. Finally, it's come down to the last two, separated by a point. Rika, Renamon, what was your answer?

[They both flip their boards over at once. They both say simply "Kyubimon."]

Gabriel: Making love as Kyubimon, Renamon? My my, that is kinky...

Mikino: [Confused] What's a Kyubimon?

Terriermon: Here's a picture. [He hands her a picture of Kyubimon]

[Mikino shrieks, and then faints]

Gabriel: Beautiful. Well, it's the very end and it's quite unlikely we'll need her. Ok, for the win, what do you two say?

[They flip their boards over. Sakura's says "Wood card used to create ropes for some tying up." while Tomoyo's says "Using Watery to create an air bubble so we could do it under water."]

Fujitaka: [Twitching] My little baby...

Sonomi: [Smiling] They're so creative. Especially Sakura. She gets that from my Nadeshiko.

[Fujitaka joins Mikino in a dead faint]

Gabriel: Well, that's the game! Rika and Renamon win with a score of eleven points!

[Everyone cheers for Rika and Renamon, except for the comatose judges. Flower floats up over the stage and showers the happy couple with apple blossoms and sakura, all the way to the winner's circle. Both Rika and Renamon are presented with roses and placed in the spotlight. They're so happy they can't keep from hugging and kissing each other. In the background, however, things are also happening]

Spinel: [Sing-song] Oh Kero!

Kero: Ack!

Spinel: I couldn't wait, so I just had to come here for you.

Kero: You came for nothing, Spinel. I'm not going on any date with you. No way, no how!

Spinel: I've got cream puffs and pudding!

Kero: Pick me up at six, I'll leave the window open.

Brock: [Brushing Vulpix] I'm sorry, honey. I should have remembered the costume.

Vulpix: Pix vulpix.

Meowth: She wants to know if you still got that costume around.

Brock: Yea, I do. Got something in mind?

[Vulpix just winks one large, green eye and hops into Brock's lap, nuzzling up against his belly]

Brock: I guess she does. Say, Meowth, how will you get back to Team Rocket?

Persian: Purrrrrrrrsian.

Meowth: I'm taking the scenic route.

Brock: And you said you were just trying with her.

Meowth: When it comes to the ladies, Meowth always succeeds.

[Meowth hops off the trellis and over to the Persian, who rubs up against him with great passion and a warm purr]

Meowth: Now you know why I keep my job. See you around!

Sakura: [Crying] Wahh! We lost!

Tomoyo: Don't worry, koi. Let's go back home. I'll draw you a bath and scrub your back for you. And then, I'll call mother's travel agent and arrange our own little honeymoon trip. [To Sonomi] Is that alright mother?

Sonomi: [Beaming] That's perfect, Tomoyo.

[Sonomi watches Sakura and Tomoyo lovingly embrace]

Sonomi: It's times I these when I can still feel my Nadeshiko...

[A tiny kiss appears on Sonomi's cheek, and on the wind is whispered "Ai shiteru..."]

[Up in the audience Gatomon has removed one large glove, revealing her surprisingly delicate hand, the scars of her imprisonment still well in view. But like a good boyfriend, Gabumon is softly licking the scars, warm and tender tongue caressing the hand sweetly]

Patamon: Why don't you two get a room?

Gatomon: Why don't you, sausage boy? I saw Vee-tramp there stroking some mighty personal areas.

[Patamon and the female Veemon blush deeply and scoot away, while muttering excuses]

[Back on stage, Gabriel is congratulating Rika and Renamon]

Gabriel: Congratulations! You're on your way to a lovely vacation in beautiful Las Vegas! Hope you have a great time.

Rika: If the bed's big and strong enough that won't be a problem.

Gabriel: [Laughing] Indeed. Well, for everybody here at the Newlywed Game, this is Gabriel LaVedier saying that you too can win, as long as you don't mind spilling your private stuff all over the airwaves. And as a special treat, let's meet next week's contestants. First up is Lain and Arisu!

[Lain and Arisu from Serial Experiments Lain bow to the camera, though Arisu looks a little lost]

Gabriel: Then the ever cute Shinji Ikari and Koaru Nagisa!

[Shinji and Koaru embrace for the camera, Koaru keeping his arms protectively around Shinji]

Gabriel: For our feline fans, Luna and Artemis!

[Both cats bow to the camera and then start rubbing against each other]

Gabriel: And last but not least, Yuffie and RedXIII

[Yuffie clings tightly to Red's neck, while he nuzzles softly at her]

Gabriel: Adieu, America!

Announcer: All losing contestants receive a $100 gift certificate to the Sharper Image and five dollars off any CD at the Warehouse. No animals were harmed in the making of this show. Judges requiring it will be given a free psychological evaluation and a stay in a reputable hospital.

~Owari


End file.
